What is Success?
Proverbs 3:4
“So you will find favor and good success
in the sight of God and man.”
Joshua 1:7
“Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go”
What exactly is success? How do we define something that so many different people have an opinion on what it really means? What we really want to do here is see what does God view as success? How do we live a life of success for God?
As we look at the first verse above, we really need to read Proverbs 3:1-12 to get the full understand of what exactly God is talking about with success here, but I will try to summarize. In the beginning of chapter 3 God is talking about “keeping the commands of God”, even to the point that so that you don’t forget them you “tie them around your neck.” He even goes on further down in chapter 3 to talk about how we should look to God in our financial dealings also. Now, how ironic is that? Most people think of success by how much money you have, but here in Proverbs 3 it is telling us that we should look to God to see what we should do with our money. In fact if you look at the first 12 verses of chapter 3 the whole thing is about looking to God. So I would have to say that God says that success in life is depending on him, and doing his commands. We will look at the commands part in just a second.
But let’s look at the second verse we have up there from Joshua 1:7 where God is telling us that we should “be careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you.” There it is again that we should pay attention to the commands that God has given us. Now that is the second time that that particular phrase or wording about the “commands of God” has been used so it obviously has a lot to do with being successful in obeying God. But we might ask the question, “What exactly is the commands of God?” Well I’m glad that we came to the question because I believe that when we understand the commands of God, it will make it easier for us to follow them, and in turn live what God calls a successful life.
Let’s look and see what Jesus had to say about the commandments. We find him talking about them in Matthew 22:37-40 when he is asked what the greatest command of them all is. He answers “And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
So in short, Jesus says that you should love God, and you should love people. So that is what I would say is the key to a successful life. Following God’s commands of loving Him and loving other people. If we can do our best, through God leading us, then we will be living a successful life in the eyes of God, and that is what we are truly chasing after.
So it doesn’t matter how much money you have, what kind of car you drive, or what kind of house you live in. What matters to God when it comes to success is the fact do you love him? And do you love the other people around you? So why do we get so caught up in having the next best things in life when our success really doesn’t hinge on that at all, what it really hinges on is how much are we willing to love other people. So I believe that if you are searching for success in Gods eye then start loving Him with all you have, and love all other people.
Find out who your friends are.
Find out who your friends are.
Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
How often do we take into account the people that we hang around with? Most of us who grow up in small town usually keep the same friends that we have had since we were kids. Some of us develop and lose friends frequently the older that we get. But really how often do we look at the people around us to see if they are “wise”, good people to be spending our time with.
What is a good way to figure out if someone is a good friend to be hanging around with? Well, is the person a Christian? Do they hold to the same values that you hold to? If not, when you try to do something that is right and they disagree with you there is going to be friction there. Do they treat you with respect all the time? If they don’t treat you with respect then they probably aren’t much of a friend to be hanging around with because their lack of respect just shows their lack of compassion for you. What should we do if we really take inventory of our friends and realize that they are really not that “wise” of people? Should we continue to hang out with them? Well this is a tough one that I personally struggled with. I found myself hanging around with people who weren’t living their lives the right way and I struggled with the question, is hanging out with them wrong? Or should I continue to hang out with them and try to be a witness to them? This is actually something I still struggle with now because is don’t really have any friends that don’t go to church, and I feel like we should be looking to have relationships with people who aren’t in church so that we can have an influence on them. Statistics show that most people will come to church if someone they “know” invites them. That means that we have to have some sort of a relationship with these people for them to want to come and worship the God that we worship.
If we look at Jesus life we will see that that he was actually hated because of the people that he associated himself with. He was called a “friend of sinner”. He went out of his way to talk to people that were not socially acceptable. He hung out with tax collectors. But the interesting thing about Jesus associating with these people is that he never did it on their terms. He always did it with a goal in mind or a reason behind it. He didn’t go and hang out with the tax collectors while they were out charging other people ridiculous taxes, instead he hung out with them in private where he could get down to the nitty gritty about their lives, and where they were out with God.
In writing this I don’t want to come off as saying “If any of your friends aren’t saved and in church every Sunday then you don’t need to hang out with them.” No, that’s not what I am trying to say. I think it is good for us to have friends who need Christ, but just be careful that you aren’t hanging out with them while they are doing questionable things (drinking, partying, ect.) But I do think that it is important for us to have a close group of friends who are strong Christians who are going to be willing to call us out and tell us the truth. I want a close friend that I can confide in and tell them what is going on in my life that I am struggling with. I believe that is where that associating with the “wise” comes into play.
How BIG is our SIN?
How BIG is our SIN?
James 2:10
“For whoever keeps the entire law, yet fails in one point, is guilty of breaking it all.”
Sometimes I believe that it is very difficult for us to understand just how big our sin problem is. Most of us, including myself, go through the day thinking that if we haven’t robbed a bank or murdered someone then we have had a pretty good day of not sinning, but is that actually the case? I find myself often asking myself how much have I sinned during the day? This is usually a scary question to ask because of the answers that God gives me in my mind.
But let’s be serious here. If we are going to take what God says here in James, that if we ‘fail in one point, (we are) guilty of breaking it all.” What does this mean for us? Well, I believe this means that we all break God’s laws a lot more than we actually realize. This is as convicting to me as anyone, because I know the thoughts that run through my mind during the day and all of the ways that I sin against God without even giving it a second thought, just because it has become “natural” (scary thought) for me.
If we just look at what Jesus said was the most important commands, we see that in Matthew 22:37 that he says “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. And the second is like this. Love your neighbor as yourself.” So we can basically say that to obey this we need to love God with all we have, and love people with all we have. WOW!!! I know I am not good at doing that all the time. How often have I done things for my own selfish gain and not even thought about God? How many times have I gone to church to worship God and never thought once about him, but instead day dreamed the whole time? How many times have I failed to actually have a devotion time with Him and either not done it, or again day dreamed and simply read? But that’s just the loving God part. What about loving people? How many times have I got frustrated with people? Either while driving, in a store, on the phone, or at work? How many times have I had mean thoughts about people during the day? How many times have I done things so that they work out in my favor instead of thinking of their best interest instead of mine? WOW!!! When we start to look at things this way, the sins really start to add up.
I believe we sin a lot more than we actually realize and this really hurts us a lot more than we realize. I believe it hurts us in two ways. First we don’t realize ways in which we have hurt God, because that is ultimately what we are doing when we sin. Imagine getting cussed out by a friend or family member on the phone and then they hang up on you, then at the end of the day they call back and apologize from hanging up on you and they fail to mention anything about the way they talked to you. Do you think this is how God may feel when we come to Him at the end of the day and ask for forgiveness of our sins and because we don’t realize how much we sin we only mention 2 out 2,000 sins?
But I believe this also hurts us because we take away from the power and beauty of the Cross and Resurrection when we take sin lightly. God loved us to the point that he was willing to give His own Son to be made human, die a brutal death, and be physically raised from the dead for our sins, and so that we can have the promise of living forever with him. Now, when we simply think that committing murder or stealing are sins, then we rob God of what he did for us on the Cross. He died for every lie, evil thought, lustful thought, hatred in your heart, and a million other sins that we fail to pick up on.
New Creation
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is found in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away and look, new things have come.”
As we move into a new year this verse popped came to mind where Paul is telling the church at Corinth that when a person’s comes to faith in Christ he is made a new creation. When I think of “New Year’s” I always think of the “new” part, and nothing can be more “new” than a new creation.
Paul isn’t simply saying that when we come to Christ He just cleans us up a little bit, whips off the dirt from us, rinses us down, and we good to go. Nope! Paul is saying that when a person comes to faith in Christ, that person is made into something completely different. How amazing is that. One minute you’re a sinner that is doomed for hell, then when you place your faith in Christ, you are instantly transformed into a son of God. You go from being an orphan to being a biological child of the Almighty God!
Pastor Rick Warren, when explaining this verse used the illustration of a butterfly. “Can a butterfly go back into a cocoon after it’s come out as a caterpillar? Of course not. It can’t happen. Once the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it is what it is – a butterfly.”
What a creative and meaningful illustration. Not only does this verse tell us that we are made into something totally new, it gives us the reassurance that we are going to be totally new forever. Even when we look at the second part of the verse we see that the “New Creation” is no longer concerned with what it used to do, instead it is heading in a new direction. It has totally forsaken all of the old sinful ways that it used to go, and now it is focused on serving God.
Now this make take a little time to get used to being a new creation. I believe it is very hard sometimes for a sinner to totally forsake all of the sins that they have struggled with before they came to Christ. As an example John Newton, the famous writer of the hymn “Amazing Grace” struggled with running a slave boat even after he had come to faith in Christ. He eventually turned from the sin of slavery, but it didn’t happen overnight.
The importance is not in the timing of the transformation, but more so in the fact that the transformation took place. When we look back on our lives some of us might not know the exact day and time when we came to faith in Christ, it may have been a slow transition, for others of us it may have been a huge event that totally changed everything in one day. Either way, the transformation happened, or we placed our faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
Simeon
Simeon
Luke 2:25-35
There was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon. This man was righteous and devout, looking forward to Israel’s consolation, and the Holy Spirit was on him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he saw the Lord’s Messiah. Guided by the Spirit, he entered the temple complex. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform for Him what was customary under the law, Simeon took Him up in his arms, praised God, and said: Now, Master, You can dismiss Your slave in peace, as You promised. For my eyes have seen Your salvation. You have prepared it in the presence of all peoples— a light for revelation to the Gentiles and glory to Your people Israel. His father and mother were amazed at what was being said about Him. Then Simeon blessed them and told His mother Mary: “Indeed, this child is destined to cause the fall and rise of many in Israel and to be a sign that will be oppose— and a sword will pierce your own soul—that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”
When we pick things up here in the story of Jesus’ birth we find and interesting encounter with a man named Simeon. This just stuck out to me because this man and this encounter is so interesting, and honestly it leaves me thinking a little bit.
The first thing that comes to my mind is, what is going through Mary’s mind as this complete stranger tells her all of this information about her new born son? She was only a teenager at the time and had already had quite the unusual experience already. She got pregnant as a virgin, she had been visited by angels before the birth, wise men and shepherds at his birth, and countless other things!
Secondly, what exactly was Simeon talking about and why is it in the Bible? Well, that’s what I really want us to look at, is what he said, because it gives us a glimpse to the reason why Jesus was born to begin with.
Let’s concentrate on what Simeon said directly to Mary. He told her “Indeed this child is destined to cause the fall and rise of many in Israel and to be a sign that will be opposed- and a sword will pierce your own soul- that the thoughts of many hearts will be healed”. What an amazing statement. First, this child “will cause the fall and rise of many”. Simeon is telling Mary that this baby is destined for greatness that she can’t even imagine. And we know this to be true, this was not ordinary baby. He would grow up to be the greatest preacher ever known, 100% God and 100% man. He will cause some to rise to belief in that fact and to eternal life, but others will chose not to believe and be destined to eternal death. That is why Simeon says that Jesus will be a “sign that will be opposed”. We see this in our world all too often today. People who are sternly opposed to Jesus.
Then finally he says “a sword will pierce you own soul- that the thoughts of many hearts will be healed”. What could this mean? Especially what could this mean to a young mother? This was one of the happiest times of her life, she had just had a baby. But what we see here is Simeon telling Mary what will happen in the future and the real reason that Jesus was born to begin with. Jesus was the Messiah that had been promised as far back as Genesis 3:15. This was the child that that prophets had preached about it. The one who all of the Old Testament fathers had looked forward to. This was the real deal. Why do we say that? Well because we know that we celebrate Jesus birth because it ultimately leads to his death. A death that will cover a multitude of sins. (Romans 4:25 “He (Jesus) was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.”)
Meditations of Christmas
Meditations of Christmas
Luke 2:19
“But Mary was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them.”
With all the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season it almost feels impossible for us to truly concentrate on the real meaning of Christmas. We are busy with Christmas parties with our friends and family, maybe traveling to go and visit family. We might even have a Christmas play or two that tries to point us in the right direction for Christmas, but with all of these things do we truly realize the magnitude of the meaning of Christmas? Do we have time to sit back and think about all that this time of year means to us?
This past Sunday we had our annual Christmas Cantata and all throughout it my mind keep racing back to the verse above, and I kept asking myself questions like, what was she meditating on? Why did Jesus have to be born the way that He did? What is the meaning behind all of this?
Looking back at Luke chapter 2 we can find the answer to most of these questions. Mary was meditating, not just on the nights events of the birth of her son, but probably the whole 9 months leading up to it. She was a teenage girl, a virgin, who was visited by an angel and told she was going to have a baby that was conceived by the Holy Spirit. She then had to endure the ridicule that came along with claiming to be a virgin, yet being pregnant at the same time. Then comes the night of baby Jesus’ birth. They are strangely visited by kings who bring them gifts because of the child’s birth. Shepherds come from the fields around to see the baby. I believe that Mary was treasuring up the fact that the baby that she held had meaning in this world. Meaning that she didn’t even comprehend at that time, but a tremendous amount of meaning and importance. I can’t imagine what she went through for 9 months leading up to Jesus’ birth, but I am sure that the events of the night of His birth made all of it worthwhile.
But why did Jesus have to be born the way that he did? I believe that Christ had to be born like this because He had to be born of a human to redeem us from our sins. God humbled himself to be born in a barn, where animals slept and ate, for us. The answer I kept coming to for the reason behind the way Jesus was born was because He loves us. God loved us that much that, even though he was the king of kings and creator of the universe, he chose to be born in a barn.
What is the meaning behind all of this? By that question I mean what does all this boil down to? Well we find the answer to that question not in Luke chapter 2, but in the sacrificial death of Jesus for our sins. See, the birth of Jesus is only the beginning of the story. It should be celebrated because it is monumental, but the real celebration comes in the fact that “But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Prodigal Us
Prodigal Us
Luke 15:17-20
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
For a while this has been my favorite parable in the Bible. I think that I like it so much because there is so much action and it seems to cover a large amount of time, and most of all we can easily find ourselves in this parable in some way or fashion. If you have never read this parable I would highly suggest that you read the entire 15 chapter of Luke to get the full effect of what Jesus is trying to get across in this parable.
Let me give you a little background one the passages above and then that will make it easier for us to talk about what is going on here. The parable actually starts back in verse 11 where we see that there are two sons, and their father. The younger of the two wants his inheritance that he would get when the father died. So, the father divides things us and gives to BOTH sons what they would get when he died. The younger son sales everything he has just gotten and goes off to a faraway place and waste his money on “foolish living”. After he is out of money, a famine hits the faraway land and he has to go to work for one of the citizens of that land, but finds himself quickly in a place where he has no money, no food, he is feeding pigs as a job, and is still going hungry.
That is where we pick things up with the verse above. The boy comes to his sense and returns to his father to repent of what he has done and go to work for him as a slave. This is where things begin to get very interesting. You will notice that when the younger brother returns the farther doesn’t wait for him to reach the house and then say “I told you so”, no this father does the unthinkable, he runs out to meet his son and kisses him. If you read on you find that the father literally says in verse 24 that he is going to celebrate because “this son of mine was dead and is alive again;”. And celebrate is exactly what they do. They throw the biggest party that the people have ever seen for this son who pretty much told his father that he wished he would just go ahead and die so he could have his money, got his money, went off and spent it on women and other foolish things, and came dragging back into town with nothing.
This doesn’t make the older brother happy that they are throwing this big party for the “wild child” of the family just because he has come back home. And actually the older brother gets jealous and complains to the father. The older brother didn’t care if the younger brother came back or not, all he cared about was himself, even though he did stay home with his father and work and on the outside looked like a good son. But what do we see the father do here with the older son? We see that he shows compassion to him also, and reassures the older son that everything that the father owns is just as much the older sons.
I stated earlier that I believe that I favored this parable so much because it is easy to find ourselves in this story. We can obviously see that the gracious father that welcomes and loves both of his sons unconditionally is God Himself, who loved us in our rebellious times and celebrated when we repented and came back to him. He loves us when we get prideful and jealous of how He has treated other people, just like the older brother got jealous of the younger brother.
The real question to ask at the end of this parable is, are you a younger brother who is living in a manner that is rebellious to God and you want nothing to do with Him? Or are you an older brother who claims to be faithful to God the father, but often times finds yourself jealous of how God is gracious to all people? No matter where you find yourself in this story we see that God responds the same way to both the rebellious and the jealous, and that is with grace and love.
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving
Psalm 100
Shout triumphantly to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness come before Him with joyful songs. Acknowledge that Yahweh is God. He made us, and we are His[a] —His people, the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His name. For Yahweh is good, and His love is eternal; His faithfulness endures through all generations.
This week is Thanksgiving week. The kids are all out of school for a few days. You get off of work for a couple of days. You get to spend time with family and just enjoy one another’s company. And, not to mention it is the one time of year where people celebrate a day to be “thankful” for what God has blessed us with.
I love Thanksgiving; being able to spend time with family, eat good, watch football, and think about what has happened so far this year that I should be thankful for. Those are all good things within themselves, but shouldn’t the whole thing be about thanking God for what He has done for us? Why do we have to set aside a special day out of the year? Shouldn’t we be more aware of what God is doing in our lives?
As we look at the Psalm above we see that reasons for thankfulness is broken down to the simplest form we could imagine, or at least what seems simple to us. He starts off with the fact that we should be thankful because we are made in God’s image. How often do we think about the fact that we are made in the image of God? We are His prized possession. The Psalm tells us that “we are His people”. Who are we that God should care about us. I think that all too often we hear this and just let it roll through our head and we don’t think twice about it, but this is a huge deal. The God that spoke our universe into existence has chosen US as His people! That is amazingly awesome! That is defiantly something worth celebrating!!
Then the second reason it gives for thanking God is the fact that He is “good, His love is eternal, His faithfulness endures through all generations”. God is never changing! He always loves us! No matter what happens in our lives we know that God loves us. If we have given our lives to Christ then we should be happy in the fact that no matter what we have God on our side! And the fact that God is unchanging should be a point of celebration too! In a world where injustice seems to be the normal thing, and laws no longer apply to anyone, and sin runs wild, we can celebrate in the fact that we serve a God who is never going to change the rules on us! He will always be for justice and we know that He will rule honestly.
So as we go into Thanksgiving we need to ask what are we thankful for? And how often do we express to God that we are thankful for Him? We serve a powerful God and He deserves our thanksgiving for all that He has done and all that He is going to do!
Pastor Jimmy Dale’s Testimony
When I was 9 years old I knew that I was a sinner, but one night during a service I realized what would happen to me if I died without God’s grace. Of course I was terrified so after talking with my parents and then with my Pastor, I asked God to forgive me of my sin and save me from eternal death. I have learned that was why the Lord Jesus died on the cross, to save me from death which is coming because of sin.
Today I do not fear death as I did then, because I believe Jesus is alive and is able to secure my life for all of eternity. Today, I can say that the Lord Jesus has been faithful to use His Word and the Holy Spirit to convict me of sins, guide me in truth, and protect me from evil. Today, His banner over me is Love.
Leslie Mooring’s Testimony
It is my prayer that my testimony reflects my life before I came to Christ, How I came to see my need for Christ, the circumstances surrounding my conversion, and my spiritual growth from the time I accepted Christ!
On July 21, 1992, I was born in Bamberg Germany, where my father was stationed at in the Army. At the time my father was married to my mom, and they already had my brother. My mom at the time also had another child whom she had with a man before my dad was ever in the picture. I am not sure exactly how long we lived in Germany, but I do not that it was only for a short time that we all lived there together as a family. While in Germany my mom cheated on my dad and because of that my mom went back to the states with her oldest daughter and left me and my brother there in Germany with my dad. My dad and her ended up getting divorced over it. I was only a baby, so I of course I did not know much about her nor did I know that she would never be a part of my life. After awhile in Germany my dad was not able to continue his career that he had in with the Army because he had us to take care of, so we moved back to Georgia and got a home together. When we returned my dad got into the construction business with his old best friend and they built houses together.
Growing up life was wonderful; I had a father, a brother, and other family members. My mom only came around a couple of times while I was younger, but I never had much to do with her. When my brother turned 7 or 8 he wanted to live with our mom, so he moved out and moved in with her. I did not like not having my brother around so I also decided to move out and follow him. During that month or two months that I lived with my mom, my brother, younger sister, and her boyfriend I was exposed to a lot of things a child should not have had to see or experience. My mom was strung out on drugs and was an alcoholic. She was so drunk and strung out one night that she began to abuse me. My dad found out and took me back in with him. My brother wanted to stay so he did. My mom was no longer a part of my life much after that.
After I moved back in with my dad he had his girlfriend Heather and her child living with him. Unfortunately Heather was a drug addict and because of this my dad got hooked on drugs. Not only were they doing them but they were making methamphetamine’s and other drugs and selling them .One night I asked my dad if I could stay the night across the street with my babysitter and her two kids, little did I know I would wake up to a street full of police cars at my house. The cops had apparently been onto my dad for awhile and locked him up. I ended up in foster care for awhile after that day. Everything I had owned at that point was left in the home and I was never given any of it back again. I didn’t get placed in the best foster care home so of course it felt like it was one of the worse times in my life. I was there for awhile until my grandma took me under her wing. Thankfully, when I moved in with my mawmaw she had my brother. My mawmaw was really good to us. She always made sure we had what we needed. I loved living with her but missed my dad more than words could say. Eventually, my dad ended up getting out of jail. I remember this day because I got off the school bus and saw my mawmaw at the end of the driveway waiting on me. She told me she had a surprise for me and to go in the house! The surprise was my dad! My heart never felt better than it did that day.
We never lived with my dad again but got to go to his house on the weekends all the time. I was always embarrassed to tell people, but my dad was right back on drugs again and still with the same woman.. I knew he was on drugs pretty bad because when we would go over to his house he stayed locked up in his room all day. When he did come out I could always tell he was strung out just by looking at him. I knew what was going on and hated it because I always hoped I would be able to live with him again. I was still young, but was not oblivious to what was going on around me. I’d always go back to my grandma’s house and cry and tell her how mad I was at him. I could never understand why he was choosing drugs over my brother and I.
When I was in the 7th grade, my grandma got upset with my brother about something. To make a long story short the she ended up abusing the both of us out of anger and the cops came and took us away and took us to our mom’s mom. This grandma did not have too much to do with me because I looked like my dad so it was a little rough living there. My mom at this time was in a rehab center getting treatment; my little sister was living with her there at a halfway house. We were living with with my grandma for only a few months.
We got up one morning and got ready for school when the house phone was ringing for awhile. I was about to leave when my mom pulled up at the house. She told us that the night before someone had murdered my dad. I get torn up just typing it because I never loved anyone the way that I loved my dad. So there I was 12 years old, with a mom that could not get her life together and never had anything to do with me, and now no dad. Anybody that knew me knew that I did not take this well. It was a ROUGH time for me and I’ve always had a hard time coping with it. I loved that man with everything I had. There was not much escaping from it at the time because it was all over the news and in the newspapers. The guy that murdered my dad had just got out of prison for murdering someone else. The pain continued when the night of his funeral, his girlfriend had a party and sold everything my dad owned in his house. Everything else was trashed. Any memories we had, pictures, videotapes, was all gone. She was having an affair the sheriff in town and was pregnant by him so of course she got away with all of it.
After this, my mom was released from rehab and she rented a house out and took me, my brother, and my little sister in. She was able to pay all the Bills from all the money we were getting from my dad passing away. It was only a matter of a few weeks when she was hooked back on drugs and was spending all the money on drugs and alcohol. I spent that month arguing and physically fighting my mom. We were back where we started. I never thought it would end at this point. My mom ended up getting locked up, so we had to find somewhere to go. I began to think this is how it would always be. I felt like I had no purpose in the world and I had no hope to live by.
My little sister’s (half sister) aunt ended up taking all three of us in. She was divorced and had one child herself. She worked out on the Air Force Base and was truly an amazing woman. Not many people would take in three extra kids, two of which are not of any ken to her. She got all of us involved in sports and very active in school. It was so different, because it was the first time we were finally able to do something in school. She cooked dinner every night, and took us to do things all the time. It was the first time we all had a stable life. My little sister had been with my mom, and was put in a ton of foster cares. Things were always so crazy. We lived with Kim, my sister’s aunt, for almost Three years. She was like a mom that I never had, she really cared for us!!! I loved her a lot!!!!!! We were all finally doing so well! When we were officially hers she came into the house dancing around with papers and smiling and loving on us. Not only did she take us in, but she wanted to and it made her happy to have us in her life.
Kim got really sick my junior year and ended up in the hospital. They told us it was just some stomach troubles she was having and that everything would be fine. A week later, when she got more results back it turned out she had cancer. The cancer had already spread and she continued to get sicker. She was very unable to take care of all of us anymore so we had to move back in with my dad’s mom because we had nowhere else to go. My grandma was always gone because she worked three jobs, so it was always easy to do kinds whatever I wanted to. I was in a relationship with a guy for a while and was sleeping around with him, I was drinking, and even smoking weed sometimes. It was easy to hide doing all of it so I just kept on doing it. I would lie and just tell my grandma I had a swim meets on the weekends or some sort of school function. During all of this kim continued to get really sick throughout that year. I ended up quitting the swim team my senior year and tried to go and see her more. I started to get super depressed and could not control it anymore. I started to not care about anything or anyone anymore. I was hurt, confused, lost, and had no idea how I was going to get through this. Kim started to get really active in church. She went to ladies Bible Study and started to just really have a love and a passion for the Lord. She would ask us to come sometimes but I never did since I was staying at my grandmas. I had no idea what church was, and was just not interested at all. Her Birthday was in October and I really wanted to get her something nice so I asked my friend what I should get her. My friend was saved and went to church, (had no idea what this meant at the time) so she told me I should get Kim a Bible with her name on the front cover. She told me where I could go to get one at so I went. I told the lady at the store that I needed a Bible with a name put on the front. She asked me what kind, and I said “I don’t know…just a Bible.. Something to read..You know a book???”. She looked at me and just told me there were different versions of the book, so I just told her any one would be fine. I gave Kim the Bible and she loved it! I had begun to get really curious about the Bible and looked into it a little bit but not too much. My depression was getting worse and worse. I got put on depression medication to try and get better. It worked for a little while, but I always felt it was a hurt that was much deeper than what medicine could heal. Something bigger and stronger than a pill was gonna have to heal this pain.
A month later I was sitting inside a computer class when I got a text message to hurry up and go to the hospice center because Kim was not doing well. When I went in there she could not respond to me at all. She just laid there and kept making these noises. I just held her hand and kept telling her how much I loved her… I was told then that she was not going to make it and that I needed to go ahead and say my goodbyes, so I did. That day was so emotional, and so so very hard. This was the lady that just took us in for three years and gave us the love we needed, this was the lady that came home dancing and so happy that the court finally made it permanent that we were hers. This was the mom I never had. … Kim passed away early that next morning. My heart was shattered. No one had loved me and my brother as much as she did since my dad had died.
My depression continued to get worse but I continued to fight it. I contemplated suicide many of times. Held a razor by arm many of times… Held a bottle of pills and contemplated taking them all so I would not wake up… You name it and I thought of it. I just felt like I had no purpose… I felt worthless. I did not think I had a purpose in the world. When I thought of this I also thought of my dad, I pictured his face and I would picture my baby sister’s face, and my brothers. I knew I could not carry out something so selfish. I would have much rather dealt with all this pain then to ever cause my siblings more pain. Ten days after Kim passed away we lost our pawpaw. He had a heart attack and died. That was two funerals that I had to go to in a matter of ten days. Life was just so crazy to me at this point. I was still so upset about Kim passing away that when pawpaw passing away did not affect me as bad. I remember getting the phone call about him passing away and remembered my brother crying his eyes out on the porch swing. My brother was my heart, so when his heart broke mine broke ten times more. We were both just depressed and hurting. Pawpaw picked us up every day after school when we got out of football and swimming and took us to get ice-cream from McDonalds before he took us home. We were close with him also but my brother was definitely closer to him than I was. We lost two more very important people.
Those last few months that Kim was sick my brother got into a terrible car accident when he and a guy where on their way back from Florida. It was raining bad and the car had lost control and flipped a few times. They had to cut my brother out of the car and when they did he was not conscious. They immediately transported him to the Mobile Alabama Trauma center. I thought I was gonna lose my brother during all of this, and remember getting in my car and traveling 7 hrs to Mobile to go see him. He ended up being okay and was able to come home. My brother acted different from then on out. A few months after Kim and our pawpaw passed away and after his accident my brother started going to church. He ended up getting saved. He had been acting really different and was listening to Christian music. My brother invited me to church every weekend but I always blew him off. My brother’s whole life changed. He was happy and I wanted whatever he had because I was far from happy. So I went to Church with him.. I ended up liking it so I kept going. It was the summer of 2010 that my whole life changed! I GOT SAVED!!!!! Best thing to happen to me. God healed me from a lot of pain that I had. My life began to radically change for the better. I was so on fire for God. I had to know EVERYTHING about him! It was so crazy. If you remember the day you got saved then you know exactly what I am talking about. The feelings were so unreal! The whole time I felt like I had no purpose I truly did. I wish I knew about him sooner. I wish I knew the true meaning about life SOONER. I kept wondering why nobody really took the time to tell me about Christ and Witness to me. I tried my hardest to learn a lot on my own. I ended up meeting a guy that summer who was also very dedicated to Christ. He did some Bible studies with me and really helped me grow in Christ.
God continued to blow my mind that summer. I had moved out of my grandmother’s house because of a lot of differences and moved in with my best friend and her family. They were so gracious to me and asked me to just stay there for a little while. They became like another family to me! I went on to a community college around home for the first semester. It was then that I felt God calling me to move away and go to a Christian College. I knew that was a part of God’s will for my life so that is exactly what I did. I got accepted into Liberty University but did not have all the funds that I needed. My youth pastor kept telling me that God would provide for me. I had already told my boss at work that I was gonna go off to school, and when I found out I did not have all the funds to go to school I told him that I was no longer gonna go off to school. That was when he told me he was gonna pay for it and to just go. I refused for a long time, because I do not ever take anything from anyone! He kept persisting and I finally agreed to it. Little this man know that he was about to help change my whole life! I had 200.00 bucks in the bank and traveled up to Lynchburg for school. I got there and had no money for books or anything. The school gave out New Student Book Dollars and it covered the cost of all my books. In every single way GOD PROVIDED for me. I trusted in him and he kept on making things happen for me. What God really kept doing was blowing my mind out of the water!!!!!!!! I was growing spiritually and growing into the Women Christ wanted me to be. During this time at Liberty, I would meet with an RA and talk about my future. This person really helped me change my whole focus on things and prayed for me. This person helped me grow spiritually and really kept me in line. I really tried keeping my focus on Christ while I was there and did my best to let nothing else get in my way. I was always dating someone so I made it a point to stay single and really focused on God that entire year! I let him transform me and work in me. I was so blessed to continue to be at Liberty. Unfortunately, I was not able to afford to stay there. I had to work at the school to pay some tuition off while I was there. This was the only way I could stay at Liberty. It was tiring but I knew it was worth it. I would not be who I am today without going to Liberty. I began to view life in a different way. I realized I talked to God every moment of every day. I was amazed by him and his work on this earth. Everything was remarkable and still is. God is so incredible. God was writing my story the whole time and I had no idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He knew he was going to use me if I let him. This story he was writing for my life was beautiful. God has given me a powerful testimony, one that I hope to share with the world. Through this Testimony I have had the privilege to help friends rededicate their lives to Christ and to ask Christ into their lives. This was all God’s doing, but I felt blessed that he choose me to go through what I did so I could share it with everyone else.
My story did not stop there. God continued to “fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with shouts of joy.” (Job 8:21). God showed me the book he wrote of my life, he showed me the purpose, and he showed me what to do with it. & here I am…. Still filling up the pages, following his will, and constantly picturing his beauty. He is so WONDERFFUL! I had a professor at Liberty that told me to always make sure that when my testimony was told, that it always reflected what GOD has done FOR ME…. So I always try to show that. I had a dream one day at school of God rocking me in his arms, It was so real. I was crying and God took his hands and wiped my tears away. I cry just typing that, because that’s exactly what he did for me…He wiped my tears away. He healed me. God told me that the person that I was, was no longer the person that I had to be. God told me everything was going to be fine…and that’s what I find rest in now. I’m living in a swimming pool full of his blessings right now. God has given me a man that loves me just as much as my dad did and just as much as Kim did. God has provided away for me to go back to school while being able to work, and has constantly provided for me and all of my needs. God is constantly showing me something greater than what I deserve… I still struggle, just like every other sinner but it is easier knowing that God is on my side guiding me through. I still find myself wishing I had parents, or wishing I could afford to go to school and get done with it, and of course like every other woman in the world I wish for nicer things in life but God is constantly reminding me that my purpose and Identity is found in him and him alone. I feel so blessed to be able to share my story, and even more blessed that I have a father in Heaven that cares and loves me!